THE GRUDGE

it's been three years of suffering in the hands of science research. rush deadlines and pre-defenses, final paper and final defenses and unwanted-bloody-scribbles-of-aggravating marks on my paper! i know i'll owe my teacher a lot for these, someday. but the point is, i'm not planning to be a full-time researcher, someday. there's no sense in going too far, too fast and too advanced when research could be smoothly bearable. ordinary seniors used to have research papers as a final requirement but not in my case. i started the fate of the seniors during my sophomore life and im sure other SSC's (Special Science Curriculum) classes and science high schools started theirs as early as mine.

research, one of the minor subjects at school, is not even required to be inclusive in the basic curriculums of teaching. it's a mere part of being ADVANCED, in my case. i keep on questioning why'd i have to take it as a subject? why can't it be counted as a project or requirement? i've been handling worse situations because of research. research used to eat most of my time. research even leaves me hanging with unanswered questions, it is the main reason for my sleepless nights and it is the main reason why im not able to manage my time. it's a whole lot of WASTE! waste of money, waste of time, waste of skills, waste of energy and waste of happiness!

i've got twelve academic subjects to deal with but research is my priority despite of it being a MINOR one. i know that without research, life wouldnt be easier for us to deal with. i know, i know that. all i want is to be exactly where my brain should be. who cares if i belong to the group of brainy people in school? who cares if we are brainy, though? they shouldn't be taking advantage of our capabilities. they, the teachers, shouldn't be pushing us beyond the limits of learning. i know it's better to learn more than learn nothing at all. it's not learning anymore, it's a mental torture. i no longer see the essence of learning anymore.

pressure is different from torture. pressure is fairly bearable than torture. i just hope that these few teachers im talking about would realize how it feels being humiliated and embarrassed infront of professional people. it's not just my research teacher, im talking about other teachers, too.

im just releasing out the grudge i'd kept for three horrible years.

so much for research, i won't be defending anymore. today's the last. although, results are rejected, at least i had an answer to my statement of the problem.

i won't forget my journey with research. somehow, it brought some good memories. it's just that bad ones are dominant. haha! either way, research is still a vital part of human life's improvision.

“That's the nature of

research - you don't

know whatin hell

you're doing.”

XOXO,

TiM