the primary reason why i put out this blog is to have an online diary to write on. i would always run out of listeners and people i could talk to the moment im confused and feel like go-hide-under-the- bed is the best way to comfort myself. i am really mad at myself now that i have an altered motive. i admit that i see my blog as a JUNK right now. it is where i throw my unwanted stuffs, abandoned articles and boredom products. i really loved writing since elementary and got chosen as a contributor but often i get my articles thrown away. still. you see, i'm trying to improve and prove myself to the critiques. i suppose my blogging shouldnt be a reason for me to impress others. because along with appreciation comes expectation. i really detest judgemental eyes on my blogosphere. you don't have the right to tell me what to write, how to express and what to place in my personalized space. hell, that is why it is P E R S O N A L I Z E D.
i am not good in playing with words at all. i don't know how to add color to my statements and make use of the figurative speech i learned in school. i really hated that lesson since fifth grade or so. the second reason why i came up with this blog is to enhance further what i thought was a skill or some kind of a potential- writing. maybe i was overthinking or pretending to be good at it. here i am now, insulting myself. i deserve this, dont i? upon writing now, i really want to hit myself.
i am thinking that it's better to cancel my blog account and cut out my lame dream of being a writer. i regret having too much publicity and exposure of my blog. i feel like i have followers for the sake of repaying me ('cause i followed them). or maybe they pity me for having extended too much effort and see noone appreciating this crap, so they decided to follow. or maybe for the sake of friendship or so. i dont know.
maybe im too insecure. i say that im no better than an eight grader. i despise myself for being too pathetic and crappy at this thing. i really wanna learn but it's apparent that the quality of my posts are deteriorating. i don't even see any supporters other than LOUISE. thanks, beeeech. T.T
i am a sucker for attention, yes, i know. brand me with lame labels, i dont care. but all i want to say is that, don't expect me to post what you want to see because i'd write for my sake. this is my comfort zone so stop invading distractively. you may share my pain and thoughts but not rebut a single statement and go against what i want. this is my territory, you rotting cabbages!
come on, laugh harder. did i speak the wrong way? why do you focus on grammar while i'm trying my best to express my thoughts to make it universal? i do have foreign lurkers and they do not understand my language, so i use english. so people, stop telling me i have to quit using the language. i know i suck at it. but i wish to learn!
bloggers and non-blogger visitors, im not sorry if i offended you. it was meant, if it did offend you.
1 comments:
You don't deserve this, stop degrading yourself.
There's no point in shutting this space down, no. You'll just lose more of the attention.
The biggest attention we get is from ourselves. You can't say people can't appreciate your work if you, yourself can't even give good remarks about it.
And who the heck are you referring to? Trolls? It truly is funny how people say about how this and that should be and yet they, themselves can't aid their own flaws nor listen to others' remarks. Cheer up.
Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong that's worth making that chubby face frown more than usual. :)
Post a Comment