Status: I am but the opposite of what used to be me, talk about a bookworm and a responsible school girl.
so lately, the above one-liner says it all. but i prefer to sort out my long absence into details, for those of you who still care. now that i am half way through my freshman year in college, there seemed to be a lot i had to keep in mind. it's not the lessons i had in that four-cornered classroom what apparently is not any conducive for learning, but it's the lesson i learned outside it and inside when there was no professor to feed us.
I admit that i did not do my best in the first half of the semester i had, and regression is always at the finish line of the race. at some point in my life, i have conjured mark on professors i encountered, mostly good and two, just two bad. who would have thought that the professor hated by almost the whole population of our class said this "Hey, you! you would have to see me from time to time because i'm gonna miss you" to me? I turned away, smiling as though that was the biggest joke i've heard. but then again, it wasn't JUST THAT to me, it gave my heart the unusual tug and my eyes the tears i tried not to cry.
About the two professors who didn't like me, that wasn't my problem at all. i pity them for not fulfilling 60% of their role as an educator. 60% for me is how teachers would understand the learning points of their students. i remember once in high school when my teacher used to say, "you kids learn in different ways. some would be distracted if they'd never get to draw on their notebooks, some wouldn't give a damn to listen when they are deprived of talking and some couldn't manage it when the surrounding's noisy. but then again, just do what ever you are comfortable to do without stepping on others personal growth too". yeah, this teacher of mine, i don't understand. in fact, i was the highest in her class but she hated to see my mouth opening. i can't even discuss the lessons with my seatmates because from time to time, she'd deduct points from me. My other professor told me that behavior is subjective and must not be graded. she even called my attention a lot of times just because i'd mutter things while she's talking in front but in the end, she understood that, i was too inclined to her lesson and that i had to argue on my own. thus, she handled it very well, unlike this professor of mine who do not understand at all.
i once flew off from one group to another, in our classroom. yes, we were and we are now isolated. i was once welcomed in a group but i felt quite odd because they were high school classmates so i flew over a group of people who were from different schools. it was fun, though. when time went by, i realized how i wasn't myself anymore. i hated issues but then i became a hypocrite making issues of other people. at least i admitted it today.
i told myself it wasn't too late to make the most out of my freshman year, so i started all over. always got the seat in the front so i was out of temptation. usually i'd stay at the back so i could cheat. but now there's no turning back now that i quite had a good start. i really want to reap what i really sow on my own. i really want to be fair with myself. if i stick to cheating, what is there to apply when i hadn't learned anything on my own?
since i started with myself, i also patched things up with my preference of friends. i didn't want any friendly contact with those people who turned me dull, so every vacant times, i'd stay put and read books. anyway, aside from coming back to the good side, i am really succeeding in sucking out the venom in me. i just love the word PRIVACY now that i have it. at least, i don't have to flaunt my life all over useless bunch of gossip diggers and sluts. my social life wasn't destroyed in any way. my friends are carefully chosen and truly cherished now.
and with what i used to call love? well i got over it. i'm gonna talk about it some other time. :D
have you had enough? gotta stop my fingers from dancing now.
so lately, the above one-liner says it all. but i prefer to sort out my long absence into details, for those of you who still care. now that i am half way through my freshman year in college, there seemed to be a lot i had to keep in mind. it's not the lessons i had in that four-cornered classroom what apparently is not any conducive for learning, but it's the lesson i learned outside it and inside when there was no professor to feed us.
I admit that i did not do my best in the first half of the semester i had, and regression is always at the finish line of the race. at some point in my life, i have conjured mark on professors i encountered, mostly good and two, just two bad. who would have thought that the professor hated by almost the whole population of our class said this "Hey, you! you would have to see me from time to time because i'm gonna miss you" to me? I turned away, smiling as though that was the biggest joke i've heard. but then again, it wasn't JUST THAT to me, it gave my heart the unusual tug and my eyes the tears i tried not to cry.
About the two professors who didn't like me, that wasn't my problem at all. i pity them for not fulfilling 60% of their role as an educator. 60% for me is how teachers would understand the learning points of their students. i remember once in high school when my teacher used to say, "you kids learn in different ways. some would be distracted if they'd never get to draw on their notebooks, some wouldn't give a damn to listen when they are deprived of talking and some couldn't manage it when the surrounding's noisy. but then again, just do what ever you are comfortable to do without stepping on others personal growth too". yeah, this teacher of mine, i don't understand. in fact, i was the highest in her class but she hated to see my mouth opening. i can't even discuss the lessons with my seatmates because from time to time, she'd deduct points from me. My other professor told me that behavior is subjective and must not be graded. she even called my attention a lot of times just because i'd mutter things while she's talking in front but in the end, she understood that, i was too inclined to her lesson and that i had to argue on my own. thus, she handled it very well, unlike this professor of mine who do not understand at all.
i once flew off from one group to another, in our classroom. yes, we were and we are now isolated. i was once welcomed in a group but i felt quite odd because they were high school classmates so i flew over a group of people who were from different schools. it was fun, though. when time went by, i realized how i wasn't myself anymore. i hated issues but then i became a hypocrite making issues of other people. at least i admitted it today.
i told myself it wasn't too late to make the most out of my freshman year, so i started all over. always got the seat in the front so i was out of temptation. usually i'd stay at the back so i could cheat. but now there's no turning back now that i quite had a good start. i really want to reap what i really sow on my own. i really want to be fair with myself. if i stick to cheating, what is there to apply when i hadn't learned anything on my own?
since i started with myself, i also patched things up with my preference of friends. i didn't want any friendly contact with those people who turned me dull, so every vacant times, i'd stay put and read books. anyway, aside from coming back to the good side, i am really succeeding in sucking out the venom in me. i just love the word PRIVACY now that i have it. at least, i don't have to flaunt my life all over useless bunch of gossip diggers and sluts. my social life wasn't destroyed in any way. my friends are carefully chosen and truly cherished now.
and with what i used to call love? well i got over it. i'm gonna talk about it some other time. :D
have you had enough? gotta stop my fingers from dancing now.
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